Tonight J. is off with his friends for boy's night so I finally got a chance to listen to the last part of the Goddess in the Bedroom teleconference. One thing Sierra talked about that struck me as odd was she said that one of the things women are must concerned about in the bedroom is that they're going to lose control. She talked about how women need to learn to loosen up and not be afraid of that.
...
A wha?! I LOVE when a man takes control in the sack. It's one of the hottest things he can do is to pin me up against the wall and tell me exactly what he wants. Or something like that. ;) And here's why I think I love it so much. In pretty much all areas of my life, I am very controlling. I like things done my way. I'm a perfectionist. I will tell you if you're doing something wrong and how you should fix it so that you're doing it correctly (which is, of course, my way). But in the bedroom, he is in control. He can tell me what position he wants, put his hand on my throat, tell me to go down on him, whatever. I think I crave being able to relinquish control in some aspect of my life, and what a wonderful place to give it to someone else, as long as they're good and I trust them.
So I guess I have that sex goddess part down. Sure, every once in a while if I can sense that he's tired or something I'll take charge or be a tease because I know that men like that sometimes, but I never ever worry about losing control. And if there are any women reading this who do have trouble with that, try it sometimes. Try just letting go. Let him be the man. Let him tell you what to do. It's incredibly hot, and if you're anything like me (a control freak in general) it will feel great to let that go while you're between the sheets.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Art of the Tease
I loooove to be teased. I think almost all women do. Sometimes, the anticipation of the pleasure to come is just as delicious as the actual pleasure. It also makes it so I'm not just ready for the main event, I'm begging for it.
But as much as women love teasing in their sex life, I think men like it just as much. It's not always recommended in sex articles that we tease men mercilessly, but I've found it extremely helpful in getting mine to really want me. 'Cause after a while sex can become a little routine, you know? We kiss, fondle, go at it, "That was great, babe," and it's done. It's way too easy for him. So sometimes, I like to mix it up. I'll kiss J., get him all aroused and ready to go, but then act like maybe I don't want to do anything (but eventually f*ck him silly, of course). Or just taunt him for a very long time without actually doing all the stuff he most wants me to.
The other night I didn't really feel like having sex because I was so tired, but I was in the mood to make out. Small tangent: does everybody still make out with their partners even after being together for awhile? 'Cause I do. I love it. It's just something that's so fun to do especially if your partner is an amazing kisser, and a lot of times once couples start having sex they just kiss for 30 seconds and move on to other things. So have a 15-minute makeout session today. I promise it'll lift your mood. Anyway. J. got all aroused and I decided that I would just go down on him but that I would make him wait a while first. So I kissed him and teased him and did all the things that I know drive him crazy for about 20 minutes before finally giving him oral. And you know how long it took to get him off once I started? About 90 seconds. Which is crazy fast for him. Usually I'm down there for at least five minutes. And he said it was amazing. It just goes to show that teasing is super effective in prepping both men and women for fantastic orgasms. So if your man is not big on foreplay usually, maybe focus it a little more on him the next time, tease him a lot, make sure he's begging to be inside you, and see if he changes his mind. You can also do this with foreplay all day long, like sending him naughty text messages, calling him to tell him how much you want him, or stopping by on his lunch break in something terribly sexy. He'll be thinking about you all day long.
But as much as women love teasing in their sex life, I think men like it just as much. It's not always recommended in sex articles that we tease men mercilessly, but I've found it extremely helpful in getting mine to really want me. 'Cause after a while sex can become a little routine, you know? We kiss, fondle, go at it, "That was great, babe," and it's done. It's way too easy for him. So sometimes, I like to mix it up. I'll kiss J., get him all aroused and ready to go, but then act like maybe I don't want to do anything (but eventually f*ck him silly, of course). Or just taunt him for a very long time without actually doing all the stuff he most wants me to.
The other night I didn't really feel like having sex because I was so tired, but I was in the mood to make out. Small tangent: does everybody still make out with their partners even after being together for awhile? 'Cause I do. I love it. It's just something that's so fun to do especially if your partner is an amazing kisser, and a lot of times once couples start having sex they just kiss for 30 seconds and move on to other things. So have a 15-minute makeout session today. I promise it'll lift your mood. Anyway. J. got all aroused and I decided that I would just go down on him but that I would make him wait a while first. So I kissed him and teased him and did all the things that I know drive him crazy for about 20 minutes before finally giving him oral. And you know how long it took to get him off once I started? About 90 seconds. Which is crazy fast for him. Usually I'm down there for at least five minutes. And he said it was amazing. It just goes to show that teasing is super effective in prepping both men and women for fantastic orgasms. So if your man is not big on foreplay usually, maybe focus it a little more on him the next time, tease him a lot, make sure he's begging to be inside you, and see if he changes his mind. You can also do this with foreplay all day long, like sending him naughty text messages, calling him to tell him how much you want him, or stopping by on his lunch break in something terribly sexy. He'll be thinking about you all day long.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Book Review and Fantasizing
Today I'm going to review a book that I bought recently titled 227 Ways to Unleash the Sex Goddess Within by Olivia St. Claire. It seemed a good enough book for what I'm trying to do lately. There were mixed reviews on it, but it was cheap so I decided to go for it. I recently finished reading it and I'll share what I got out of it.
This is not a book that will teach you 227 tricks of fellatio, sex positions, or how to dress up for your man. Not one bit. It's not even really about how to set the mood, or other more sensual, less sexual things to spice up the bedroom. It is pretty much all about self-pleasure. I think that's a good topic to explore, especially if you're more subdued in the bedroom or you find you're disappointed more often than not because your man doesn't know how to please you. If either of those is a problem for you, masturbation or self-pleasuring can be extremely helpful because it can help you become a more sexual being by getting comfortable with yourself first, and then sharing that with a partner; or if you're not being pleased (which is a travesty) you can figure out what you like, what exactly gets you off, what exactly you need and where and how long you need it, and not only can you do this for yourself pretty much any time you like, but you can teach your partner to do it, too. So anyway, there are reasons as to why one would write a book all about how masturbation and learning to love yourself can help you bring out your inner sex goddess.
But here's the thing, ladies. I don't masturbate. Well, I guess I can't say I never have. Maybe I will once every three months. Or, when me and my boyfriend were forced to be long-distance for a while a couple years back, I often had phone sex with him talking dirty to me on the other end. And I LOVE to read smut stories (Lusty Library's my favorite), so if a story is very good and my man's not around, then I'll give it a shot. But frankly, I don't care for it. I don't own a vibrator and never got the appeal of the shower/tub, so all I've really got to work with is my hands, and they don't provide me near as strong of an orgasm as my lover does. It's just not my thing. Now, I think it's awesome when other women take their sexuality into their own hands, whether they're with someone or not, and in a way I envy that they can get so much pleasure from themselves.
Now that you know that I don't really care for doing what the whole book is about, I think it's safe to say that I, personally, did not find much use from this book. It really did give a LOT of great tips (227, to be exact, but there was even more information than that) of different ways to self-pleasure, and some of them even sounded like they would be fun to try. But most of the time, when it comes to sex, I like it with someone else. So if you are someone who loves to masturbate, or is looking to do it more, or are what I described in the first paragraph, I think this book would definitely benefit you. A few of the ideas are a little strange or out there, but a lot of them are worth trying out, I'd imagine. But, if you're looking for a book that will teach you how to better please your man or things like that, look elsewhere.
The last thing I want to talk about in this post is fantasizing. Olivia St. Claire has an entire chapter in that book devoted to fantasizing and how it can do wonders for you. But on the other end of the spectrum, in the Goddess in the Bedroom teleconference that I recently finished, Sierra Bender said that if you are in a relationship fantasizing about other men can often be harmful because it gets your mind off your partner, who is really the only one you should be thinking about when it comes to the act of sex. Let me tell you how it worked out for me. The only "fantasizing" I've ever done is while reading a smut story I will often put myself into the role of the woman in the story. It helps make the story more real and interesting to me, and that fantasy only lasts until the story is over. If I liked something particular that was in it, then I'll think about doing that more with my actual boyfriend. In fact, there are several fantasies that involve him. But I've always been careful not to fantasize about other men.
Until recently. There's a new co-worker I started working with who's young, hot, in his sexual prime, and flirts with me occasionally. He knows I have a boyfriend who I have no interest in leaving, and so it's all innocent. But I am a very sexual creature and so I decided that even though I couldn't do anything with him, it couldn't hurt to fantasize about him a little. It's not like I was cheating, and my thoughts wouldn't be hurting J. So I started doing it fairly often. And you know what? It wasn't a good thing. Sure, the fantasizing was nice, but the last time I had sex with J., a couple nights ago, I wasn't present. I'm never not present. It's just not me. I enjoy sex, I don't think about other things, I'm fully there. But all I could think about was how this guy would be doing what J. was doing or how it would be different. So I'm sorry, Ms. St. Claire, but I do not think it is a helpful thing to do while in a relationship, at least not about anyone you actually know (which she mentioned doing in the book). I've since stopped thinking about this guy in any way other than just being friends with him. What about you? Do you enjoy fantasizing about men you can't have, maybe even ones you know in real life? Do you enjoy masturbating often, or is it something that you've shied away from?
This is not a book that will teach you 227 tricks of fellatio, sex positions, or how to dress up for your man. Not one bit. It's not even really about how to set the mood, or other more sensual, less sexual things to spice up the bedroom. It is pretty much all about self-pleasure. I think that's a good topic to explore, especially if you're more subdued in the bedroom or you find you're disappointed more often than not because your man doesn't know how to please you. If either of those is a problem for you, masturbation or self-pleasuring can be extremely helpful because it can help you become a more sexual being by getting comfortable with yourself first, and then sharing that with a partner; or if you're not being pleased (which is a travesty) you can figure out what you like, what exactly gets you off, what exactly you need and where and how long you need it, and not only can you do this for yourself pretty much any time you like, but you can teach your partner to do it, too. So anyway, there are reasons as to why one would write a book all about how masturbation and learning to love yourself can help you bring out your inner sex goddess.
But here's the thing, ladies. I don't masturbate. Well, I guess I can't say I never have. Maybe I will once every three months. Or, when me and my boyfriend were forced to be long-distance for a while a couple years back, I often had phone sex with him talking dirty to me on the other end. And I LOVE to read smut stories (Lusty Library's my favorite), so if a story is very good and my man's not around, then I'll give it a shot. But frankly, I don't care for it. I don't own a vibrator and never got the appeal of the shower/tub, so all I've really got to work with is my hands, and they don't provide me near as strong of an orgasm as my lover does. It's just not my thing. Now, I think it's awesome when other women take their sexuality into their own hands, whether they're with someone or not, and in a way I envy that they can get so much pleasure from themselves.
Now that you know that I don't really care for doing what the whole book is about, I think it's safe to say that I, personally, did not find much use from this book. It really did give a LOT of great tips (227, to be exact, but there was even more information than that) of different ways to self-pleasure, and some of them even sounded like they would be fun to try. But most of the time, when it comes to sex, I like it with someone else. So if you are someone who loves to masturbate, or is looking to do it more, or are what I described in the first paragraph, I think this book would definitely benefit you. A few of the ideas are a little strange or out there, but a lot of them are worth trying out, I'd imagine. But, if you're looking for a book that will teach you how to better please your man or things like that, look elsewhere.
The last thing I want to talk about in this post is fantasizing. Olivia St. Claire has an entire chapter in that book devoted to fantasizing and how it can do wonders for you. But on the other end of the spectrum, in the Goddess in the Bedroom teleconference that I recently finished, Sierra Bender said that if you are in a relationship fantasizing about other men can often be harmful because it gets your mind off your partner, who is really the only one you should be thinking about when it comes to the act of sex. Let me tell you how it worked out for me. The only "fantasizing" I've ever done is while reading a smut story I will often put myself into the role of the woman in the story. It helps make the story more real and interesting to me, and that fantasy only lasts until the story is over. If I liked something particular that was in it, then I'll think about doing that more with my actual boyfriend. In fact, there are several fantasies that involve him. But I've always been careful not to fantasize about other men.
Until recently. There's a new co-worker I started working with who's young, hot, in his sexual prime, and flirts with me occasionally. He knows I have a boyfriend who I have no interest in leaving, and so it's all innocent. But I am a very sexual creature and so I decided that even though I couldn't do anything with him, it couldn't hurt to fantasize about him a little. It's not like I was cheating, and my thoughts wouldn't be hurting J. So I started doing it fairly often. And you know what? It wasn't a good thing. Sure, the fantasizing was nice, but the last time I had sex with J., a couple nights ago, I wasn't present. I'm never not present. It's just not me. I enjoy sex, I don't think about other things, I'm fully there. But all I could think about was how this guy would be doing what J. was doing or how it would be different. So I'm sorry, Ms. St. Claire, but I do not think it is a helpful thing to do while in a relationship, at least not about anyone you actually know (which she mentioned doing in the book). I've since stopped thinking about this guy in any way other than just being friends with him. What about you? Do you enjoy fantasizing about men you can't have, maybe even ones you know in real life? Do you enjoy masturbating often, or is it something that you've shied away from?
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